what does a 14 year old think?

i thought i would let you hear what my youngest (by about a minute) has to say. she recently entered a first person essay into a "fine arts" writing competion for church:

“Father, why you?”

I celebrated Christmas with my dad’s arrival home from the hospital. Things were going pretty well until about six days later which was New Years Eve. There was a phone call. They said that my father had to be admitted to the hospital in the next hour. What could possibly be so bad that he would have to be admitted within the next hour? He had so many things wrong with him. They did some testing and found cancer in his blood, liver and many other places. The cancer, after having its name changed many times, it ended up being Large B-Cell Lymphoma. This type of cancer that my dad had was only found in one other person…a person that is no longer living because of it. My friends and family were the only things I had to keep me going. My mom tried to keep things as normal as possible for us. I went to a party that night but it just wasn’t the same. Only three people knew about the cancer going into the party but by the end of the night everyone was asking questions about my dad. Soon I could hardly take it. I hated it. It was so hard for all of us. School soon came and I had to stand up and face everything that happened so fast. The fear of losing my father, and facing my friends, and trying to act like I was okay was a lot to handle. It was hard for the first few weeks knowing my father had a better chance of dying then making it through this. But, soon I became very good about placing a fake smile on my face then ever before. After facing about three months of chemotherapy he was ready for a stem cell transplant. The new cells were his only chance of surviving and came from one of my uncles. It only put him into remission for a short while.
About 11 months later my dad went in for some blood work and something just wasn’t right. He wasn’t feeling good so he got a PET scan and some biopsies. This was going to show us if the cancer was back. I waited. It took over nine days until I finally got the news. It was back. His test results came back showing that he had numerous cancerous tumors in his chest. The doctors gave him little hope and very few choices but he decided to try the chemo again. My dad got weak and lost a lot of his strength. I began to lose hope again. I didn’t want to worry anymore and I was sick of everything. Seeing my dad get weaker and weaker was so hard. He was in and out of hospital week after week, month after month. After a few rounds of chemotherapy, some radiation treatments, and two Staph infections, the cancer was once again out of his body. My dad still has good and bad days. He still is ill and weaker than he would like to be. Everyday I wonder how long the cancer will stay away this time. Every ache and pain makes me worry. Every time he gets a cough or a head ache I worry. I wonder if it will always be like this. I wish I had the same kind of hope my dad has. His words still to this day are “I wasn’t able to leave this world yet. My life isn’t complete. My girls still need me and I still need to protect them from those boys out there. God kept me living for a reason so I can share my testimony with friends and family everywhere. My life journey just isn’t complete yet”. With a smile on his face and a positive attitude, he keeps these days going by without a single tear of sadness.
Many times throughout these rough times I find that praying and reading the Bible has given me hope. One of my favorite passages in the Bible that relates to my life today is found in Psalm 139. “You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am. You both precede and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. I can never get away from your presence! If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me”, Psalm 139: 3, 5, 7, 9, 10 NLT. Everywhere I go and everything I face, God will be right there with me and that gets me through each day.

...and now we are adding another chapter to her story with ROUND #3.

thanks for checking in.

tim and tammy
(and ashley)