"how are you doing?"

"how are you REALLY doing?"


"are you REALLY doing ok?"


i don't want anyone to get defensive or upset but what exactly am i supposed to say when i am asked that question 34 times a day??


i guess if i knew the whole honest answer to that question it would be a whole lot easier to answer it but i often wonder if anyone really wants to know how i REALLY am doing or if they don't know what else to say to me. but i am quite sure that if i gave them my HONEST answer just once they probably would not ask me again for a very long time.


just between you and me when i am asked the question "are you REALLY doing ok?" my first initial response would have to be "hell no". but being brought up to be a quiet reserved respectful christian lady that i am (well, that may be a stretch) i could NEVER give that response to someone who would ask. so instead i smile and say "i am fine". sometimes i wonder which response is worse...


i have been trying to decide if i should discontinue the blog and start a hand-written journal where i can really say how i am feeling without feeling guilty...why would i feel guilty?? perhaps because i know that my father-in-law reads this and my pastor reads this and my co-workers read this and occasionally my kids read this and somehow my mother finds out what i write...and sometimes i am not sure i should be feeling the way i am feeling and if i actually fess up to my true feelings they may send a "paddy wagon" to take me away...far far away (not that some days that would be a bad thing)...or worse yet they may feel sorry for me...YUK!!


just about the time i was sure that i was going to quit blogging i got a comment from a friend from the old neighborhood...who sad to say experienced something very similar in her life and told me how much she appreciated the blog and that i should keep on blogging. so the next month or so is going to be dedicated to a friend...donna these next few are for you...you are in my daily prayers.


all the books on grief tell you that everyone handles these emotions differently and that no one can tell you how or when or for how long...so i am going to give it a shot and go back to my "original" sometimes comic way of blogging. it may not always be for the faint of heart...i am going to be REAL and perhaps you would prefer the cliff notes over the whole text...so you can decide.


some may make you laugh...


some may make you cry...


some may make you think...


some may make you wonder if i am ok...


some may make you sure that i am ok...


i can't promise that i will update all that often but i can tell you that if you have to wait it will be worth the wait...i am feeling energized already and feel that this is what i am needing to do whether it be for me or for someone else. so if you REALLY want to know how i am doing come on back in a couple of days and take a look.


so...stay tuned





future topics to include the following:





"the treadmill"


"praise and worship"


"pepsi"


"an old suit"


"country music"


just to name a few...


thanks for checking in







tammy