now that it is over...

...i guess i can talk about it now.

another fathers day has come and gone.

kelsey had a field hockey tournament in maryland this weekend so we decided it would be a nice weekend to get out of town so we got a hotel for two nights and off we went.

friday night was awesome and saturday was better than awesome...kelsey had a wonderful tournament and meg and a friend drove down to watch a game or two. we then went shopping at our new favorite mall...towson town center (or something like that). amazing 4 story mall with a cheesecake factory attached to the mall. it doesn't get much better than that.

then came sunday...i am not sure exactly what happened but i can say that it got kinda ugly. most of the day was fine but by the time i got home i was tired and cranky and really feeling down in the dumps. i had the usual thoughts...i am tired, the laundry needs done, the house is a mess, i have to work in the morning, the lawn needs mowed...and it was fathers day.

now is where it gets a little foggy BUT i can say that i was NOT in the right frame of mind to be touching the weed whacker. i had to replace the cord about 6-7 times and once went inside to see if we still had cable. it was just me with a bad attitude and the wicked weed whacker going head to head...not a good combination. nothing seems to be permanently damaged and i only needed 4-5 bandaids by the time i was done but i did feel a little better afterwards.

what was my problem? i keep trying to figure that out and i think i might know.

do i miss tim? absolutely

do the kids miss tim? absolutely...but it wasn't about missing him this time.

this time it was more about "filling in for tim". maybe it was all the dads with the families at the mall or all the advertisements or maybe the cards that i couldn't bring myself to read...i still have this great dad that i know that i can call ANYTIME with a question or a problem or whatever. i was feeling the pressure of being the mom (and the dad) for my kids as they are reaching a point in their lives where so many important decisions need to be made. i miss the man that i could bounce stuff off of all the time and get some feedback from. for over 17 years we co-piloted this parenting gig and now it is so hard to do it alone. we used to pray together every day and part of that prayer was that together we would make the right choices with regards to our girls.

so...although most the bandaids were being use to stop blood flow i still can use a pretty big one on that big gaping hole in my heart. when does this start getting easier?

don't stop praying.

thanks for checking in

tammy