back and so not rested...
...but i had a wonderful time away.
i told someone that my trip was not only wonderful but also therapeutic...it was a trip out to ohio to see some friends. these friends were not just my good friends but they were OUR good friends which made things a bit emotional for me. spending time with them forced me to deal with some issues that i have not been dealing with here at home very well.
it is doubtful that they know (until now) how many nights out there i cried myself to sleep...just thinking about tim and how much i miss him...but then another day would come and we would all get up and make it a good one. we talked about tim some...it is hard not to include someone that has been such a big part of your life for 21 plus years. we talked about me moving on with life a bit discussing everything from finances to megan going off to college to me looking for full-time work.
we shopped a bit and cooked a bit and laughed a lot...we ate well and talked a lot.
i had wanted to go out for quite some time...but actually being there was kinda weird. having to face all those built up feelings that i have (without really trying to) been keeping inside. on the long ride home i had a lot of time to think...and i do believe that i have been avoiding everyone who were OUR friends or HIS friends and kinda hanging with more of my friends...
there were times that i would feel awkward and avoid situations without even realizing that i was doing it...now that i have had time to think about it...i am a BIG CHICKEN. didn't want to face anything or anyone who might cause me pain.
took me 8 months to realize it...although i do think that most of it was unintentional...
now that i have faced "the friends" and SURVIVED...actually had FUN and enjoyed the visit. shed some tears but had a lot more laughs than tears. maybe it is time to look up some other friends that i may have been avoiding...sorry if that is you!!!
things are kinda crazy now with meg getting ready for school and field hockey season for kelsey but slowly as things settle in...i would love to meet up with some old pals and have dinner or grab some coffee.
who knows...maybe you have been having a rough time wanting to spend time with me too...i could see why...i am kinda nutty at times...plus i am sure the memories of tim are painful for you too. but it isn't so bad after you get started.
thanks for checking in
keep praying
tammy
posted by tdewalt @ 5:12 PM
4 Comments:
WE LOVE YOU!!!!! PRAYING ALWAYS!!!! YOU ROCK
B and the Fam
Tammy, you have made another big step forward in the grieving process. Keep going one step at a time. We all miss Tim and the memories are important. Talk about them. Good to hear you had a nice time away.
Love,
Jim and Judy
Tammy,
I am happy you got away with friends. I am sure the grieving process is hard. We are definitely still grieving and missing Tim as well. I think of you often and pray for you and the girls. They always say time heals. You know that we always welcome you and the girls and I would love to get together with you soon!
Love,Wendy
We don't always know His plan, and are often confused when it doesn't match ours, but aren't we so fortunate that He has a plan, for all of us. Some real moments on that trip I'm sure - all for a reason. Listen to your heart Tammy.......God is.
J & T
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