good intentions
sorry for the long delay...it seemed like everytime i wanted to update the blog i would either get distracted or the kids would be on the computer.
not too much new to talk about. i am still getting lots of nice cards and notes and they are so appreciated-thank you. yesterday was a little tough. i was home alone all day and it was a long one. for someone who had problems remembering her own wedding anniversary you wouldn't think the the 9th of the month would bother her (tim passed on the 9th of january). maybe it was partially a relief that i made it though a whole month and survived. i had flashbacks all day to the last couple of days that tim was around. i thank GOD for the chance that we had to know that the end was near and that we could say everything we needed to say...but there is not a day that goes by that i don't wish i had him back for just a couple of minutes to just say one more thing or ask him one more question or tell him how much i loved him one more time. (i would even sit through watching a basketball game with him if i could)
no one could have told me that i would be missing him this much...it is a real bummer.
a friend of mine sent me a song that had special meaning for her (for a slightly different reason) but is has certainly blessed me a ton (thanks flo).
HELD
Natlaie Grant
...
"who told us we'd be resued?
what has changed, and why should we be saved from nightmares?
we're asking why this happens to us who have died to live, it's unfair,
THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HELD
HOW IT FEELS, WHEN THE SACRED IS TORN FROM YOUR LIFE
AND YOU SURVIVE.
THIS IS WHAT IT IS TO BE LOVED AND TO KNOW
THAT THE PROMISE WAS WHEN EVERYTHING FELL
WE'D BE HELD"
this is only a portion of the song. i am sure you can google it and get all the lyrics but the part that touches me the most is the last line: the promise was when everything fell we'd be held
everything in my life feels as though it has fallen so now i just need to be held. i am so glad that we have that promise that God is there to hold us when we need to be held.
thanks for checking in
tammy
posted by tdewalt @ 9:46 AM
8 Comments:
Lord, touch my sister with your loving arms. Reach down and let her feel you and experience the the depth of the love you have for her. Let her smell the aroma of your presence and bring her into your holy place reserved for your children. Abba, Father we look to you for our needs, you are our desire. We thank you that you are there and will never leave us or forsake us. Shabba
Your blog reminds me of the poem "Footprints in the Sand" and the scripture verse "... He will hold you in the palm of His hand."
Hope you feel cuddled today, lifted up in prayer and can sing, "I Stand in Awe of You".
Praying and singing on your behalf,
Louis and Martha
Tammy.....
It was so good to see you at church on Sunday! We get the "kids on the computer and distracted" thing - it's a way of life around our house. The anniversary thing DOES get better with time, perspective, and the understanding only our Lord can provide. Needs and wants are two very different things. I'm sure the loss is fresh but you can still say what you want by being the best mom Tim would have wanted you to be. Seek God in prayer and listen to His angels.
We hope you are feeling held on this cold and rainy day. Not a day goes by that we don't pray for you and the girls. Peace, love and understanding that His Will will be done. We may not understand now but in time He will make everything known to us.
Hope to check in again next week after we return. Keep the Faith!
John & Tammy
Happy to hear you are still forging ahead and being such a positive person! i don't know how you do it! We're still praying for you! let the girls know we are here if we can help! I have a song for you if you want it let me know! PRAYING
Love you and miss you!
YOU ROCK
PB and the Fam
Tammy, you are doing such an amazing job of writing your feelings. Good therapy. Does not bring Tim back but helps to work through the intense emotions you are feeling. None of us can relate unless we have been through what you are going through. I know how sad we are when we think of Tim's loss and what it means to us. We can only imagine what you are going through and we can pray for you as you walk through this journey. Praying for you and the girls.
Love
Jim and Judy
Tammy.....SO GLAD you are receiving the power & the anointing & the love & the healing from HELD!!! I have prayed so much for that for you! I know it will continue to even greater depths as you go back to it time & time again! BE HELD, MY FRIEND!! Here's my email if you want to write: lknlhge@yahoo.com. Love you! Flo
Hi,Tammy!
I wonder if you know that while this blog has been helpful and cathartic for you...it has been a witness, a lesson, a touch from God---via one of His children---for us.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing!
I pray you are feeling "held and rocked" in His loving arms.
Aunt Katie
That song always makes me cry. Natalie Grant sang that at Women of Faith a few years back. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. Take care, Tammy.
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