my first outing...

instead of sitting home all night pouting about it being my anniversary i decided to go out to a friends house for the evening...i have to admit (sorry tim) that the focus of my anniversary faded quickly when i got there and saw all the food.

it became the battle of "being good" and "being bad" all night long...as you all know by now i am a carb addict and the first thing i saw on the counter was spinach dip in a BREAD bowl and the hostess making homemade garlic BREAD right next to the homemade BROWNIES (and where do we spend the next 30 minutes chit-chatting? you guessed it...right in front of CARB LAND)

stay focused tam-you can do this-eat a carrot stick

whew...i made it through social time. ok, off to the dining room for dinner. in addition to the garlic BREAD they had homemade BISCUITS and BAKED ZITI and some SPIRAL PASTA and homemade meatballs and sausage and (for me) they made grilled chicken and i brought a salad.

so...why is it that i had 8 items in front of me and the only 4 i wanted were OFF LIMITS to the point of almost painfully off limits.

stay focused tam-you can do this-stop drooling on the biscuits-you like chicken

i made it through dinner and felt a bit proud of myself...but absolutely exhausted on the inside. i thought things are good because i can certainly live without the BROWNIES. life is good. and then the TSUNAMI hit the kitchen. someone had made homemade pumpkin MUFFINS and homemade TIRAMISU (which happens to be my all-time second favorite dessert in the world).

stay focused tam-do not jump up on that counter-leave the room before you embarrass yourself

so i politely asked for a cup of coffee and went into the other room away from the "grazing of desserts" and watched a football game. i couldn't even tell you who was playing in that game or even the color of the uniforms. i just knew that i was just about to the end of my rope and if i hadn't left the room i would have fallen off that wagon...BIG TIME!

i wonder now if the other guests (who all knew my situation) would have intervened as i jumped over the bar stools and grabbed the tiramisu and sprinted down the hallway to lock myself in the bathroom or if they would have let me have the comfort food that night because it was such a stressful day?!?!

someday i guess i will have to ask them...

i hope that this was "so painful" because it was my FIRST official outing since starting this diet and that it will get better over time. my fear is that i will avoid social events because of all the "stress" involved (which i am sure sounds pretty silly to all you non-carb addicts in the world but it is hard to describe how difficult it was being there last night).

they were all so proud of me and even commented to me before i left that they were actually a bit surprised how well i did. thank goodness they couldn't see the struggle within or they may have been a little scared.

i was very glad that they didn't change the menu because of me and that they all enjoyed the desserts...i would NEVER want to have anyone alter a menu. this battle is a ME battle and takes place on the inside. i need to win this battle fair and square if i am going to succeed in this "life-style" change. just remember to keep the duct tape nearby just in case you ever see me climbing up on a counter!!!

thanks for checking in

tammy