Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Sunday, November 08, 2009

my first outing...

instead of sitting home all night pouting about it being my anniversary i decided to go out to a friends house for the evening...i have to admit (sorry tim) that the focus of my anniversary faded quickly when i got there and saw all the food.

it became the battle of "being good" and "being bad" all night you all know by now i am a carb addict and the first thing i saw on the counter was spinach dip in a BREAD bowl and the hostess making homemade garlic BREAD right next to the homemade BROWNIES (and where do we spend the next 30 minutes chit-chatting? you guessed it...right in front of CARB LAND)

stay focused tam-you can do this-eat a carrot stick

whew...i made it through social time. ok, off to the dining room for dinner. in addition to the garlic BREAD they had homemade BISCUITS and BAKED ZITI and some SPIRAL PASTA and homemade meatballs and sausage and (for me) they made grilled chicken and i brought a salad.

so...why is it that i had 8 items in front of me and the only 4 i wanted were OFF LIMITS to the point of almost painfully off limits.

stay focused tam-you can do this-stop drooling on the biscuits-you like chicken

i made it through dinner and felt a bit proud of myself...but absolutely exhausted on the inside. i thought things are good because i can certainly live without the BROWNIES. life is good. and then the TSUNAMI hit the kitchen. someone had made homemade pumpkin MUFFINS and homemade TIRAMISU (which happens to be my all-time second favorite dessert in the world).

stay focused tam-do not jump up on that counter-leave the room before you embarrass yourself

so i politely asked for a cup of coffee and went into the other room away from the "grazing of desserts" and watched a football game. i couldn't even tell you who was playing in that game or even the color of the uniforms. i just knew that i was just about to the end of my rope and if i hadn't left the room i would have fallen off that wagon...BIG TIME!

i wonder now if the other guests (who all knew my situation) would have intervened as i jumped over the bar stools and grabbed the tiramisu and sprinted down the hallway to lock myself in the bathroom or if they would have let me have the comfort food that night because it was such a stressful day?!?!

someday i guess i will have to ask them...

i hope that this was "so painful" because it was my FIRST official outing since starting this diet and that it will get better over time. my fear is that i will avoid social events because of all the "stress" involved (which i am sure sounds pretty silly to all you non-carb addicts in the world but it is hard to describe how difficult it was being there last night).

they were all so proud of me and even commented to me before i left that they were actually a bit surprised how well i did. thank goodness they couldn't see the struggle within or they may have been a little scared.

i was very glad that they didn't change the menu because of me and that they all enjoyed the desserts...i would NEVER want to have anyone alter a menu. this battle is a ME battle and takes place on the inside. i need to win this battle fair and square if i am going to succeed in this "life-style" change. just remember to keep the duct tape nearby just in case you ever see me climbing up on a counter!!!

thanks for checking in



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Proud of you, Tammy!

November 08, 2009 2:15 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

Tammy, you are a trip:-) But you go girl...I know you can do it and I admire what you are doing!
Susan R

November 08, 2009 9:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

where was the comment about the new diet "look". the back side isn't also equal. you did great and i was very impressed. i knew about crem brulee but not the tiramusu. i hope we were able to help keep your mind occupied. lots of love. ms

November 08, 2009 9:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go Tammy. That was a big step in this journey. One at a time!!
Judy C.

November 09, 2009 9:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go Tammy - being a carb addict as well, I completely understand the struggle of it all. Keep up the great work!!

November 09, 2009 9:31 AM  
Blogger Katie Dewalt said...

Congratulations on your "victory" over this battle!

It's not like we don't know that you are a strong and very determined woman.
It's not like you haven't displayed amazing discipline and control in these last years. Thus, some people might think that passing up the pasta and deferring dessert is easy-peasy for the Dewalt version of Wonder Woman.

Those individuals are not card-carrying carb-aholics!
They cannot know how the little monsters beckon and woo!

Unless one has experienced the temporary (cue word "temporary") comfort that carbohydrates provide, one cannot know that it isn't JUST a matter of the savory flavor of Ziti, or the tangy taste of warm spinach dip, or the melting mascarpone of Tiramisu (oops! i drooled a teeny bit on my keyboard)---it's so much more than that.
Many of us do know, however, and we are particularly raucous in our cheering. You go, girl!
XO and prayers,
Aunt Katie

November 09, 2009 4:52 PM  

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