Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Thursday, December 03, 2009

stage 1...the tree

...kelsey says that our tree doesn't look quite right.

...ashley says it would be better outside.

...i didn't even care to put one up.

...can you tell we are experiencing our first christmas without tim???

ever since i can remember i would avoid christmas decorating like the plague. i never was one for all the christmas hype or all the inside decorations or all the outside decorations. that was ALWAYS tim's thing and he recruited kelsey as his side-kick. they absolutely lived for was their favorite time of the year. one year i can remember still having the tree up on valentines day and them putting hearts on it.

so...what does one do when the favorite holiday of the missing dad is approaching...first off i guess one cries alot. then one pulls oneself together and takes charge. we went out and bought a brand new tree and picked out all new ornaments and kelsey was really excited about spending the night decorating. (for about an hour). it just wasn't the same fact, i would have to say that it wasn't really much fun at all. we all pretended that we were kinda having fun but when it was all said and done we all had to agree that something was missing...tim.

we just sat around and stared at the tree...the rest of the house is a mess and no one really wanted to do much about it tonight. maybe we will finish decorating the rest of the house...maybe we will not. we did take a vote though and one thing is FOR SURE...the PEPSI SANTA'S are coming out sometime this weekend. some traditions will not change and that one we all agree is here to stay. (for those of you who don't know...tim had a collection of pepsi santa figures and we always lined them up on the fireplace was the only decorating the whole family would agree on)

ashley made a comment about putting the tree outside...i questioned her as to why-didn't she like the decorations we bought and she said no, the decorations were fine. it just doesn't seem like christmas and this tree is not going to help one way or the other. we talked a bit about the fact that this christmas was definately going to be different BUT that didn't mean that it had to be an all bad christmas. i don't think she is convinced.

pray for us as we enter into this holiday nightmare...not only are the kids going to be missing tim but i have to work christmas day and straight through the weekend. this is going to be a rough holiday season. i know that tim was so glad that he made it through to the new year for the kids sake...but it really doesn't make a big was always a daddy thing and that will make it really difficult for a while. he was such a little kid at the holidays...i will miss the kids rolling their eyes at their dad with all the goofy stuff he would come up with.

i am now on my second popsicle stick...yes, you read that right...when i get stressed i eat. i am on a diet so i can't eat so i chew-tonight it is wood. well, i do eat the sugar-free popsicle first and then i chew. almost got a splinter on the first stick so i am having a 2-stick night...not good!!! i so badly want to cook up some pasta.

i am missing tim terribly

i am a carb addict without a fix

i am worried about my girls

i am chewing wood

and it is only december 3rd...goody

thanks for checking in



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our hearts and prayers go out to you at this time of year. We also think of Tim so much, at this time of year especially. We have a Pepsi Santa next to our TV. It holds special meaning to us as well. Our Pastor preached a sermon this past year. When we face changes in our lives we need to develop "our new normal". Your family "new normal" is not what you want but you will make it through with the help and prayers of all of us who love you and are going through it with you.
Love and prayers,
Jim and Judy

December 04, 2009 8:17 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...


I was getting our decorations out and came upon the Pepsi Santa that Tim gave us and that was the first item I placed at the computer. The first holidays will be very hard. We are all praying for you and the girls. I agree, you will have new normals but you will always have the old memeries.
Love to you and the girls...Wendy

December 04, 2009 8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to third that motion about the "new normal". My opinion is that keeping the Pepsi Santa tradition is honoring Tim but starting something crazy and new - like the tree outside for others to enjoy too - could be fun! You could plan a special Christmas Eve time after church to share memories, share new ideas and open gifts then the girls can sleep in Christmas morning while you work. You could have Mexican or Chinese food on Christmas day (Chinese restaurants are always open - watch The Christmas Story) and break the norm. I will be praying for ALL of you this season. Keep your good humorous attitude and feel Tim's presence in a comforting way!
Darlene at Pepsi

December 04, 2009 9:01 AM  
Blogger Deb D said...

Instead of a wooden stick, can I suggest chewing on the sugar free Word of God when you can... the voice of your Prince of Peace. Philipians 4:8-9. Feel what you're feeling, for sure. Then purpose to focus on the good stuff and allow Him to renew your strength and your perspective. Isaiah 40:31 girlfriend. Mount up...

love ya,

December 04, 2009 12:32 PM  

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