long day...

...i have to admit that i was not really looking forward to my friday.

...i decided that after work today i was going to drive an hour or so to attend a viewing (my first since tim's). i had offers for rides but i chose to drive myself because i was not real sure that i would have been much company on the way home. as it came closer to the time of the viewing i started to realize that it was not the viewing itself that i was so "uptight" about...it was the fact that i was going to be seeing all of tim's co-workers-many for the first time in a long time-and i was a mess.

...i can't describe the feelings that i have for those PEPSI people (for lack of a better word). they are GREAT for starters. they are one awesome bunch. they were great with me tonight...it was hard enough for them to be there but having me there certainly was not helping any. they made me go through the line first because they knew how tim's boss was going to react to me...and they thought that would make it easier for them...big chickens.

...we all survived and as expected i did really good until i was back in my car and alone. that was one rough night. i had visions of pizza and french fries and chocolate dancing in my head. when i am stressed all i want to do is eat...BUT i didn't cave into the cravings (this time). i suppose each time i have a viewing or a funeral it will get a little better...i just wanted to stay and hug the widow wife and say that i also lost a husband prematurely and i understand...but i don't really understand.

...i am still learning this role of "the widow" and finding it to be a little complicated at times. i am not really a huge fan.

tomorrow is another day...thank goodness.

thanks for checking in

tammy