made it...

the holiday is over and my goofy work stretch is over and i actually survived.

thanks for all your thoughts and prayers and invitations...it was in my best interest to kinda keep to myself over the holiday so i had to turn down about 13 invitations for christmas dinner. i am finding out that there are sometimes that the "grief" literature is right. like when they say not to "push yourself" at the holidays. take it easy. give yourself some slack.

i am now working full-time including working the last two weekends plus the holiday and i am literally exhausted...so why am i wide awake at 2am...who knows. it is like i am in some sort of "overdrive" or something. totally wiped out tired but can't sleep...i guess i am going to have an adjustment time getting used to my new schedule.

meg was my christmas day buddy this year...i still haven't decided if it was her decision to stay home and "baby-sit" her mother or if she was just having a "different" christmas too....either way was fine and we had a great time. i came home from work and she went out and got chinese take-out for dinner...and we sat and ate egg rolls and watched chick-flicks and laughed all night. so chill. so cool. as the evening went on each movie we watched brought another kid home and by the time the third movie was on the entire clan of dewalt girls were lounging in the living room together on christmas day watching movies together...PRICELESS.

we didn't talk too much about their dad but i know that he was on all of our minds constantly throughout the last few days. there are so many memories...great memories but still so much pain. time will begin to heal the wounds and things will get better...but for now i am so proud of the way my girls handled the holiday. they sucked it up and made the best of it and kept a CLOSE eye on their mother...but that was ok...maybe i needed to be watched a bit. one could really get themselves into a major depressed state rather quickly if one isn't careful. my kids kept me focused and we all pulled through ok this year.

thanks for all the gifts and cards and invitations and prayers sent our way...everything from the flowers i received in the giant parking lot to the home-delivered christmas ham dinner to the mom's get-a-way night at the hershey lodge. the kids have received enough gift cards and stuff to keep them very occupied at the mall over the rest of their winter break. you guys are great and very thoughtful and we are so appreciative of all you do for us.

sometimes i get too focused on the narrow "poor me" saga and forget to look at the bigger wider "god is good and you will be just fine" reality. i never want you all to think that i am not grateful for what i do have and for all my blessings...i just sometimes get in a funk that i need to whine a bit. be patient and i will grow out of it...i am truly blessed.

thanks for checking in

tammy

ps...stay tuned for a post-holiday diet assessment. talking with my AP monday and we are going to re-group and get back on track. (hopefully)