my second new year's day...

i don't know if "happy new year" is appropriate but i am happy to say that i did survive this past year. many many many thanks go out to all of you who helped me trudge through.

a few friends "strongly encouraged" me to out with them last night and i said yes because i was quite scared they were going to come take me anyway...at least this way i was not in my pajamas.

i didn't want to sit at home and "mourn" all night but on the other hand i didn't want to go out and totally ignore the fact that it was "the" anniversary. so i compromised...i wrote each of them a letter telling them (what i thought) tim would say to them last night. i know that reading this it seems like a very bizarre thing to have done but it helped me so much involving his memory into our fun-packed evening. it was not a total tear-jerker letter...in fact it was quite funny at times. (funny how he can still "bust" on me even after he is gone). the letter talked about how grateful he was that they were taking such good care of me and that they should continue to help me on my diet and my transition to full-time. it pulled out certain aspects of their individual personalities and told them how they have positively influenced me over this last year.

i wish i was able to do that for all of you out in cyber-space. it was really "good" for me to write and gave me a chance to really tell them how i feel about each of them. (which according to tim i apparently am not very good at in person).

i have to admit that if i were the one picking the movie last night i probably would not have picked the LOVE STORY between two blue people...but there were enough explosions and stuff to keep me somewhat distracted from the mushy emotional stuff.

year one is over...

time to focus on 2010 and a new beginning. never to forget but time to move forward a bit...but i am still a bit scared and i still beg for your prayers.

thanks for all you do and all you have done for this family.

thanks for checking in

tammy