new years eve...

so many memories enter my mind when i think back to the new years eve that started this whole mess...and even though we have been through some really bizarre and tough times in the past three years we are BOTH so thankful that God graciously gave tim those extra years.

we have grown so much...our marriage is stronger. our kids are stronger. our faith is stronger. our priorities are stronger.

we have to head out to the hospital for a radiation treatment and some bloodwork. i will be shooting out an update sometime today or tomorrow explaining exactly where we are in the big picture.

hang tough. keep sending those e-mails. they have been so valuable for all of us. some make us laugh. some make us cry. others initiate questions from the kids...i am loving the fact that the kids are getting to see the tim that the world sees (and not just the guy who makes them clean their room)...awesome stuff.

thanks for checking in

tim and tammy

blog update...take 5

this is going to be perhaps my hardest blog update to ever write up to this point.

our christmas this year was spent with my three favorite "F's"
FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND FOOD.
our christmas this year was spent sharing many memories and many hugs and many tears.

just prior to christmas we were told that tim's cancer is not only back but that it has come back with a vengence. it has really been unbelievable the way that this aggressive lymphoma has been attacking his body in the last week and a half. he has pain and lots of it...the tumors are not only growing in size but we think that they are growing in number also.

the doc's have always been surprised that we have gotten this many years from tim but we have just said that God wasn't finished with him here on earth yet. well...unless we receive a miracle in the next couple of weeks (which we still totally believe is possible) tim's prognosis is poor.

we were able to spent christmas in berwick...which was WONDERFUL. it is hard to explain how under the circumstances that i can say that it was wonderful...but just seeing how tim was interacting with the people who came to see him was amazing. we decided that before we updated that blog we wanted to spend some quality time with our immediate family and some friends from back home. it was what we called "the living viewing". many folks do not have the opportunity to know when they are going to die and have that chance to mingle and mix with family. he got to share memories and share hugs and share tears and tell everyone how much he loves them all...it was WONDERFUL. sad...abolutely. hard to watch...absolutely. but he is SO HAPPY that he had that chance to see our entire family and (quite possibly for some) say his last goodbyes.

so...we spent christmas in berwick and it looks like we will be spending the new year learning all about hospice.

do we still pray constantly for God to remove this lymphoma and heal him...absolutely. but we are also in the practical mode of making all the necessary arrangements should God decide to call him to his heavenly home.

his pain level has increased
his pain locations have increased
his pain meds have increased

but...he still can't ever get total relief. soon we are going to have to give in and call someone to put him on a pain pump of some sort. it is his wish that he NOT go back into the hospital and we are going to do everything we can to honor that wish.

we have talked with the kids
we have cryed with the kids
we have hugged the kids
we have cryed some more with the kids

the kids are going to be fine...they are totally aware of everything that is going on...no secrets!!

i hated to post this blog. we debated on the how and the when. we both were in total agreement that it should be after the christmas holiday. there was no easy way to do it so i picked the more direct approach. sometimes life is sucky.

thanks for checking in.

tim and tammy

ps...i am including my e-mail address just incase anyone out there would like to send a quick HI to tim and you don't like to comment on the blog. he would love to hear from you.

tammydewalt@comcast.net

and it is OK to shed a tear or two while reading this blog...i have shed a few while writing it.

love goes out to all.

christmas eve...

from our family to your family:

HAVE A WONDERFUL FUN-FILLED AND FRIEND-FILLED AND FAMILY-FILLED HOLIDAY SEASON!!!!!!!!!

we wish you all a merry christmas and a happy new year

REMEMBER THE REASON FOR THE SEASON...and make sure you wish HIM a happy birthday.

look for more updates after christmas...lets forget all this cancer stuff for a bit and enjoy the holiday.

WE HAVE BEEN SO BLESSED.

thanks for checking in.

tim, tammy, megan, ashley and kelsey

we survived...

we were not sure we were going to make it through the weekend without another hospital admission but after a few adjustments to medication (we needed to find that perfect dose that keeps him comfortable without being in the toxic "zombie-zone") we think we finally got it where it needs to be.

his leg pain in radiating down into his knee and he has quite a bit of swelling around the knee...this is something new. should be interesting.

you will all be glad to know that the tree is up and the christmas shopping has started. i actually bought three gifts today (that makes a grand total of 4) and felt pretty good about it.

tim needs to be in hershey at 11am for his first radiation treatment. then we head over to see the oncologist...say a prayer that we make it through monday. the sit down with the oncologist has us both a little uptight. we know that all the cancer docs have been talking about tim and now it is time to find out what they are thinking.

we will be in touch.

thanks for checking in

tim and tammy

it's official...

...i still don't like putting up christmas decorations. never did...never will.

thanks to the help of the kids we now have a "decorated and lit" christmas tree. (it only took 2 trips to rite-aid for enough lights that work...not too bad i guess).

it is also OFFICIAL that tim's lymphoma is back!!! and this time it is not messing around. this particular location and lump is extremely painful. he is having a rough time tonight. (we got home early this afternoon and he has been in pain ever since-he is so glad to be home but is really missing his pain pump).

we have consulted the radiation guy and he feels that he can help shrink the tumor and perhaps that will give tim some relief. we start on monday morning...he wants to start off with 12 treatments. we also see our oncologist on monday afternoon and perhaps then we will be able to get some of our many questions answered.

gotta go...i think we are in for a long night tonight...

thanks for checking in

tim and tammy

maybe thursday...

with any luck tim will be able to come home on thursday...we were all packed up to come home on wednesday afternoon but that fell through.

i am a little reluctant to try to explain all of what is going on right now...only because there are still some tests out there that have not come back yet, therefore we are not 100% sure of anything.

i can tell you that we went in thinking one thing and are coming out thinking something else...and we are not real thrilled with the thoughts. as you all know tim has had crappy history over the last few years and each year around christmas time he seems to have major issues. so why should this year be any different?

i just had to tell the kids AGAIN that one week before christmas we "think" dad's cancer is back...i can't begin to explain how sick of a feeling i get when i have to have these conversations with our girls.

instead of spending our days out looking for that perfect gift or decorating our house or putting up a tree or sending out christmas cards...we are spending the last 6 days in the hospital having more biopsies and wondering if we should do chemotherapy or radiation therapy or both or neither and wondering why his platelets are still dropping and wondering why now...

i guess we will not OFFICIALLY know if the lymphoma is back until we get the results of the biopsy but it appears that all the other "non-cancer" options have been crossed off. we are consulting a radiation therapy guy thursday to see if he thinks radiation could help shrink the tumor and reduce the pain.

his pain is a bit more controlled and he is back on oral drugs (they took him off his pain pump today-keep your fingers crossed). if the pain is controlled we think he will come home thurday afternoon.

i guess when you have been down this road as much as we have nothing really surprises you anymore...but i have to admit we are a bit discouraged. there is still a slim chance that we are dealing with some weird post-transplant pseudo-lymphoma but they are doubtful. we keep praying...you keep praying.

thanks for checking in

(tim and) tammy

nothing much to say

still testing

still having a lot of pain and discomfort-they started a pain pump for him

no word on any tests results yet

sorry...

i will update as soon as we hear anything...keep praying (the longer they take the more nervous we get)

thanks for checking in

(tim and) tammy

6217

...that is the room number at hershey medical center that tim is sleeping in tonight.

friday and saturday were not two of his best days. nothing seems to be "cancer" related but he definately has some weirdness going on. poking and proding and bloodwork and x-rays and back for more x-rays and IV pain meds and CT scans and doplers are in his immediate future.

it is hard to exactly say what he has going on because there is no one problem that we can pin-point. there are a multitude of symptoms that seem to be unrelated to the other ones.

he is still dealing with his blood clot issue (DVT) effecting his arm
he has random bouts of shortness of breath
he has moderate pain in abdomen area
he has severe pain in upper leg area
he has dizzy spells
he has stomach issues
he has a low platelet count

so...test after test after test to see what might be causing all these issues.

good thing that the high school state championship football games are on TV and i am sure that the heisman trophy pick was a highlight of the night.

thanks for checking in

(tim and) tammy

DVT

it should be rather appropriate that for our 500th post onto this blog that i would have some new stuff to write about...you all have to be very tired of always hearing about the lymphoma so we decided to mix it up a bit.

the last few days tim has been having some rather severe discomfort in his left arm. it has been swollen and bumpy and a large painful mass has formed on his forearm. so off to see the doctor. after an exam and some bloodwork and a dopler it was determined that tim has developed a DVT. (i guess this is better than lymphoma...or at the very least it is different). he has a blood clot in one of the "deep veins" hence the name DEEP VEIN THROMBOSIS>

the deep vein that is effected apparently leads into the arm and spreads out into many superficial veins (at least one of which is loaded with clots). this will cause the arm to swell and can be very painful.

if any of you have been around for all 500 posts (GOD BLESS YOU) you may remember that this is NOT tims first experience with a blood clot. he has had two pulmonary emboli and at least one other blood clot that formed just off of his central line. because of his history and perhaps the fact that his mother passed away from the very same thing...they are taking him OFF the coumadin (blood thinner) and putting him ON the lovenox-YUK-these are the extremely pricey heparin shots that he absolutely hates!!!

they are also going to do a battery of blood test to try to determine if he has some sort of disorder or something that makes his body produce these clots so often. he will go in tomorrow for tests but it is doubtful we will know anything for a few days. if there is some reason that he is resistant to the coumadin therapy there would be a possiblity that he would have to stay on the shots...PRAYER REQUEST TIME...other than more chemo i can't think of another thing that he would hate more. these shots really mess him up...they are expensive, he bruises, they hurt, his wife hates to administer them...it is not a pretty scene.

so...on this 11th day of december we actually have something new to talk about. i actually don't know a whole lot about DVT's so i have been researching a bit. the doctor said that usually they would be able to put him on some strong anti-inflammatory drugs to ease the pain but since tim's platelets have bottomed out also that is not possible. so he will have to stick with the morphine for the pain and ride it out best he can. (they are puzzled with why tim's platelets keep dropping...once the doctor mentioned doing a bone marrow biopsy but then must have changed his mind...whew)

we will update when we hear any news

thanks for checking in

tim and tammy

cold and windy...

wow...i am glad to have a roof over my head tonight. that wind chill rips right through you.

well...another sunday night update and still not much to say. we had a decent week although i believe tim has something a bit odd going on with his left arm. it seems pretty swollen at times and pains him some. we will be keeping an eye on that.

as far as the tumor that they removed...the "preliminary" report showed that it was consistant with a lipoma which is a type of fatty tissue tumor that is usually no more than an annoyance...but (don't ya love the buts) because of the history and bizarreness of his illness they have decided to send out slides to have it tested to see if perhaps it is more than it appears.

so...hopefully we will have an answer on wednesday when we see the radiology oncology guy...he has tim all marked for radiation treatments pending the results of these special tests they sent out.

as always i will update with any new developments as they occur...but in the mean time life just goes on. kids have school and parents have jobs and like most people out there christmas is approaching a bit faster than we would like. this might be a record year for us to NOT have our tree up yet. i am not a big fan of all the decorating nonsense that goes on this time of year but tim is a HUGE fan of all the decorating nonsense that goes on this time of year...but even he doesn't seem to have that motivation that he usually has by now. i think some night this week we will try to muster up enough energy to put up the tree. (we have an artificial tree since kelsey has such a severe allergy to the real ones so it just means a trip to the attic).

my washing maching has just stopped so i better get going.

thanks for checking in

tim and tammy

MONDAY

well...it is official!!! tim called me before 7am and was so excited that he shot a 6-point buck this morning. i was so excited because i didn't really think it was a great idea to stay out in this damp icky weather all day...so we both are happy.

kids weren't so thrilled...dad says he is bringing home the meat.

hope you are all having a wonderful day.

thanks for checking in

tim and tammy