thosewhowait

Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Monday, November 30, 2009

the naked cowboy



i thought going into the city i would get to see the empire state building and times square and perhaps the christmas tree or central park...NEVER did i think that a large portion of my time would be spent with the (near) naked cowboy. i had heard about him but in all my trips to NYC i never had the opportunity to have a picture of him with my teenage daughters.




the general consensus was that if tim were there we would have had to cross the street about a block up from him and go around the block in the opposite direction but i have to admit i found him quite interesting. we saw a crowd in the middle of the street just in front of american eagle (which we were going to go there anyway) and as we got closer i was somewhat shocked to see this character wearing only a hat and a guitar. it was a tad bit chilly in the city on saturday.




we only got the girls picture with him-sorry but i decided to NOT participate in the photo shoot due to the fact there was a significant amount of touchy feely going on...especially in the lower buttock region (and i get enough of that at work...inside joke). plus i would have felt totally ridiculous standing next to a clothed cowboy in the city let alone a naked one.




the twins really got a kick out the whole experience and feel that they have now experienced the real NYC. its a darn good thing that those girls were looking up at me in that picture...




they bought purses from street vendors


they bought ski hats from street vendors


they had the homeless ask for money


they had a photo shoot with cookie monster


they had a photo shoot with a naked cowboy


they saw the empire state building at night


they saw times square at night...kinda creepy


they went to the charmin bathrooms...which was an unforgettable experience


they saw the police arresting spiderman...who would have thought


they saw dinosaurs at the national history museum


they shopped at macy's




what more could you ask for...it was a fantastic day in the city and i so much enjoyed being with all three of my girls for the day. it was a day to just get away and not have a care in the world except getting back to 49th and 6th ave in time for the limo-bus.




thanks for checking in




tammy












Sunday, November 29, 2009

donuts...


why in the world would someone on a diet have a blog title called donuts...


my entire family knows why but let me tell you all out there in cyberspace why...


about a month or so ago i was called by one of my brothers and asked if we were interested in going to new york city for a day trip the day after black friday...without giving that an ounce of thought i immediately said sure...we would love to go. without knowing all the details i was informed that approx 24 immediate family members were meeting at my mom's house and were being picked up by a limo-bus and were being transported to the city.


about a month or so ago i was guilted into starting a diet that so far has gone rather well...everyone has been so supportive and helpful and i was able to lose 20 pounds in less than a month.


(are you all feeling guilty yet???)


back to the bus...saturday morning we are all up bright and early and everyone loads the bus...which by the way was awesome. there were comfy chairs and two tables and tv's and it was really cool. i was about the last one on the bus and after all the car seats were chained onto the seats (3 kids in car seats) we all got situated...ages ranging from about 10 months to about 74 years old.


i had one of the front seats that faced the rear of the bus (mostly because i don't get car sick) and it had a nice table in front of it...which is where they decided would be the BEST place to put the two dozen donuts. and not only did they place them there but they assigned ME to be the one to pass them out. and we are not just talking about store bought donuts here...we are talking about full-fledged fresh from the italian bakery donuts. right out of the bakers case and into the limo. all different smells and all different colors and all different shapes and i had better stop i am starting to shake again.


YES they all know that i am on a diet and very weak in the carb category and NO they showed no remorse or any signs of finding another spot for those donuts. (they said it was a test). talk about torture...i really hope some of them were not looking at what i was doing to some of their donuts before they ate them (just kidding or am i??).


i am pretty sure that they didn't have a clue when they bought the donuts that they were going to use them to torture me with but i did observe a few smiles and chuckles thoughout the morning...and just to add insult to injury...all the other snacks brought on board were next to me in a plastic see though bag. the cheese crackers the p-nut butter crackers and the flavored oyster crackers that you could smell for blocks and the gummies and the fruit chews and the cereal bars--i decided that we probably had enough carbs on that bus to feed a small nation.


why do i tell you this story...BECAUSE I PASSED THE TEST.


i was able to go on the bus and touch the donuts and smell the donuts and NOT EAT the donuts. perhaps it was because i wasn't sure if my nephews had actually brought the duct tape and i didn't want to miss out on the whole NYC trip tied to my seat all day or perhaps it is because i am able to make smarter choices after a month of practice...


either way i was kinda proud of myself for not caving...i had a wonderful trip to NYC and stuck to my diet quite well...yes i ate green beans in the city. something that i was not sure was actually possible but i did it.


(does that mean that you guys are off the hook for putting me through that torture all day long...not in a million years!!!!)


enough about me...tomorrow i will be sharing our experience with the "naked cowboy" and the rest of our NYC trip.


thanks for checking in


tammy







Friday, November 27, 2009

100th ANNIVERSARY


thanksgiving day was the 100th anniversary of the very popular "run for the diamonds" 9 mile race held in berwick every year...a race that my husband was well acquainted with because he ran it every chance he could.




memories of tim are everywhere and sometimes they are sad and kinda depressing but other times they make me smile and are kinda uplifting.




this thanksgiving-thanks to my niece-i had some of those memories that made me smile and were uplifting. as you can see from the picture she ran the race this year IN MEMORY OF UNCLE TIM. how awesome is that!!!!




she had recruited some others to run with her and actually had t-shirts made...i don't know if you can see it all in the picture but it was sort of a collage of tim. very cool. i wasn't sure how i would do at the race...i was a little afraid that when i saw her running up that mountain i might lose it in front of my other family members all there to cheer her on...but i did ok. it was like i had this really wierd PROUD moment. proud of his niece for thinking so much of uncle tim to do this and proud of my husband for always giving his all and setting such a great example. i admit that tears welled up a bit but it wasn't because i was sad...i was so impressed. training to run a 9-mile uphill race was no easy task...kudos to lindsey for making it to the finish line. love ya.




in all i had two nephews and one niece run the marathon in memory of tim and finished...so very cool. this year over 2,100 people ran this race...1985 actually finished.




the t-shirts were amazing. it shows all the things that were important to tim-running, softball, golf, PEPSI, a cross, scripture, ect...




2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.




thanks for checking in




tammy










Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Thanksgiving



this is the last blog update for a couple of days because i am heading to Berwick for a bit...


i have been trying to decide how this pre-thanksgiving blog should go and i am torn...


i guess for starters i am thankful for the family and friends and co-workers (both mine and tims) that have been so supportive during this last 10-11 months since tims passing.


i have this list of things in my head that i am so grateful for but most of them would cause me to cry while i type them so if is all the same to you i will just keep them to myself. my holiday emotional meter is in overdrive lately and i am attempting to keep focus off the teary stuff.


on a quick diet note...i am still on the diet and can officially say that i am now:


20 pounds lighter than i was one month ago


this has been quite a journey and i have to say that i am so glad that you all have decided to join me on this adventure. i will be taking a little break but promise to be back on track just after the holiday...


i had a co-worker tell me today: do you know that you are two 10-pound bags of potatoes lighter...that is kinda cool


hopefully that will be enough to keep me half way sane over this little break...i don't want to undo everything i have worked so hard to accomplish.

hope you all have a great thanksgiving


thanks for checking in


tammy








Monday, November 23, 2009

appoaching the holidays...

...this blog entry can go in two different directions



...first from the "being on a diet" aspect. i have decided that Thanksgiving I will be going off the wagon for a bit (which is OK) but it is not just the day itself. did anyone out there notice that almost every thing that we do in november and december involves FOOD. maybe it is just me and maybe it is just because i am on a diet but i think that my whole life before "the diet" revolved around food. (perhaps that would explain why it is going to take me a year or more to reach my goal weight)



as we get closer to all the "really good" stuff like the homemade christmas cookies and pumpkin rolls and the work parties and the family parties and the new sonic opening right down the street...i start to have mini-anxiety attacks. can i handle all this pressure? well, so far i have not been able to go ONE day without someone either giving me a call or shooting me an e-mail or sending me a text (thanks robin) asking me how i am doing on this diet. i personally think that this is an amazing statement to make. I have been dieting for almost 25 days now and not one of those days was i left alone. unbelievable!



are you sometimes driving me crazy...absolutely.

are you sometimes getting me through a crisis day...absolutely.

are you sometimes catching me right before i cave in to my cravings...more than once!!!



talk about feeling guilty...the other day i was staring at this banana laffy taffy all afternoon and i had just about had reached my limit. i must have walked past it a dozen times. i was home alone and with no one around i can actually hear the candy calling my name. and someone (not my AP) called me on the phone to chat and told me how proud they were of me and yadda yadda yadda. i sheepishly got off the phone went and took the taffy out of my sight so that i wouldn't be tempted and i was good the rest of the day.



so thanks to all of you out there who took my request to heart...you have all been great. (almost as if you know what i am going through...)



...secondly from "being tim-less" aspect. i am not expecting a great holiday season emotionally. i will go into more detail in a blog early december but already i am noticing more tears...and at the dumbest times. for example...i was on my way to work the other morning and the sun was rising. has anyone who lost someone tend to get super emotional at the sunrises and the sunsets>>>i am a mess. maybe because they are so beautiful that it reminds me of heaven and from there i am looking for the kleenex. tears just start to stream down my face.



but the other day it was not really the sunrise that got me...believe it or not it was elton john!!! and the funny part was that i do not even know what song he was singing but it was the fact that it was elton john. it took me back to the night of the elton john/billy joel concert.



i love live concerts and most the time i don't even care who is singing.



tim loved football and baseball and basketball and most of time didn't even care who was playing.



i started to think back to ALL those concerts that he got me tickets for (most of which he even suffered through going to them with me). and how he pretended to like to go with me, kinda the way i pretended to like the sporting events he took me to. it made me think about how flexible we both were always wanted the other one to be happy and just how awesome of a husband he was. it was just some random dumb thought and i totally lost it while driving to work. i actually had to sit in my car quite awhile before going into work.

you know it is getting close to the holidays when elton john can make you cry.

keep us all in your prayers. the holidays are speeding our way and i am not sure i am totally ready to attack them.

thanks for checking in

tammy

Sunday, November 22, 2009

water...


0 calories


0 carbs






it is the perfect beverage for everyone i suppose but especially the dieter...perhaps that is why i dislike it so much. it is not that i don't like the taste...or that it is hard to find...or that it is expensive...BUT just the fact that i am to drink a minimum of 8-10 glasses a day is so hard for me to fathom.




i have found that adult "diapers" are a little pricey...yes, i am in that post children post hysterectomy don't sneeze or cough or laugh era!!! add 10 glasses of water to that mix and you have some major issues.




part of my diet includes the cutting back on the carbs...


part of my diet includes the drinking of the water...


part of my diet includes the exercise...




it is hard for me to imagine that i am saying this but the WATER one is the one i am REALLY struggling with the most recently...not that i am a huge fan of the other two but drinking all day long has definately becoming an issue.




now i am sure that if i mention this to my AP (accountablity partner) she would be able to come up with some solution-like an IV and catheter...so i guess i had better get back to the bottle (that would be the water bottle)




wish me luck...and if you see me out and about ask me if i drank my required glasses of water yet today. everyone i run into has been SO SUPPORTIVE and it is really helping to have so much accountablity in my world. (somewhat annoying at times but helpful...keep up the good work).


i recently read this question and really got a kick out of the answer:


Q: is swimming good for your figure?

A: if swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me!


i have gone three weeks now and i have to admit that i am surviving...this week is tough because meg is home from college and things are a little out of our normal routine...which i am LOVING>


i also know that three weeks is far from three months which is about how long i predict it will take me to get a routine and stop craving the carbs (and boy do i still CRAVE the carbs-painfully so)...so keep praying.


DID YOU KNOW THAT ANDES CANDIES (those wonderful chocolate mints) CAME OUT WITH A NEW COOKIE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON...THAT IS JUST WRONG TO DO THAT TO ME NOW WHILE I AM SWORN OFF THE CARBS. plus i KNOW that if i bought the box of cookies while i was at walmart today they would have all been gone before i got home AND my AP would be having a FIT.


maybe i will need four months


thanks for checking in


tammy














Friday, November 20, 2009

aching...


aching, stiff, sore, tender, throbbing...


i guess you get the point.


i have found parts of my anatomy that i didn't know i had...i won't go into the intricate details of all the places that i hurt (i am not sure they all even have a name) but things are moving pretty slow this morning.


and i hear that this is good...from the fit 16 year old that i live with. she tells me that the soreness means that i have accomplished something...i have to agree that something was accomplished but since she is 16 and innocent i hold my tongue and smile.


the steps are the worst...i have actually considered taking my laundry to the laundromat down the street just so that i don't have to go up and down the stairs...is that bad? this diet and exercise stuff is painful. i am not a huge fan of pain. speaking of huge fan...i tryed to get an industrial size fan from NASA but they said they didn't sell them to overweight, overheated fortysomething year old women for personal use.


i am not sure which pain is worse...the carb withdrawl or the muscle and joint rebellion


they are both so different although have a very similar affect on me...i hate them both. but i guess the physical pain of exercise can be soothed a bit with drugs but the carb withdrawl is a physicial AND emotional issue that one can't take a pill to get relief. so if i had to pick one i guess i would prefer the exercise. (did i just say that??)


well...enough rambling for one day.


off to find the heating pad...


thanks for checking in


tammy







Thursday, November 19, 2009

it's here...


the time you have all been waiting for...


my exercise stories...


since my AP (accountablitity partner) forced (sorry-encouraged) me to clear all the clothes off and find the treadmill to go on my 3-mile hike (sorry-penance for my smore adventure) i decided that i should continue walking for a healthier me (or maybe incase i find myself in that predictament again).


can you tell that my AP is not a blogger...


i figure i have "been there done that" before so i am good to go...wrong!!!


i started out doing a little stretching...finding out that nothing seems to want to stretch. things are where they are and they intend to stay put.


i doubt this is a good thing.


so off to the basement...yes, i put the porch light on first...and i hopped on the treadmill and vaguely remember that i was doing the CARDIO workout before so that was the button i pressed. yes...i am sure you are all amused already. it has been months and months since i have completed one of those pre-set programs and now it is all coming back to me-painfully coming back to me.


today i get to totally embarass myself by admitting that this morning i actually spoke to my treadmill and slapped my treadmill. and i consider myself a quiet non-violent kind of person...


let me start off my saying that perhaps i have overshot on my abilities abit...just because one loses 15 pounds one does not automatically become more fit...duh!! more stupid perhaps but not more fit.


i have a newer version of a treadmill that has all these fancy buttons and beeps and things...and when one presses a pre-set program there are these interval beeps that tell you that the treadmill is going to be switching something. it can be the speed or the incline and it can go up or down or faster or slower.


so i get on the thing and it starts out rather nice...does a little warm-up session and then beeps that we are going to start the program. every so often it will beep and i will glance down and look at the screen and see that it will be inclining a bit or speeding up a bit...and once in a while it will beep and decline a bit and slow down a bit.


BUT at about 5 minutes left in the program it started to incline and it started to speed up and i was really struggling to keep up...i mean really struggling to keep up...i mean i was hanging on for dear life to the side bars...and finally (thank god) it beeped. it beeped but nothing happened...it didn't slow down. it didn't decline. i felt like i was on an episode of "final destination". i was NOT a happy camper...it was VERY RISKY but i actually let go of one of the side bars and slapped the console and said "come on...you beeped...do something". (yes...i yelled at my treadmill) at about that time it beeped again and started to slow down and i was able to jump off and save myself.


was the treadmill malfunctioning...NO

was i malfunctioning...YES


once the program was over you can look at this screen that shows that at about 5 minutes left it really pushes you to get the most of your workout and it shows that it lingers at the highest incline and the fastest speed of that program for twice the time as normal.


so now i have to go back downstairs and apologize to my treadmill...it was only doing what i asked it to do...so now i am yelling at myself to be more careful what buttons i press next time.


what a you tube video that would have been. thank goodness i have the ability to exercise in the privacy of my own home...why i go and tell all of you what happens in the privacy of my own home is beyond me...but i feel that on some level somewhere out there is another person struggling and suffering right along with me. (and if not i am still going to pretend)


thanks for checking in


tammy








Wednesday, November 18, 2009

berwick...

today was the second day this week i spent in berwick.

monday my dad had surgery and he is doing pretty good today. he had a major blockage in his carotid artery (in his neck) and had to have it cleared out. it is a pretty intense surgery because there is a decent chance of experiencing a stroke during the procedure. we came to find out after the surgery that the doctor was actually quite relieved to find dad moving his hands and feet afterwards because of the type of blockage they found. we were told he was very lucky.

after the surgery he was put into the ICU for 24 hours to watch...during this time he had some issues with his heart rate and blood pressure but he seems to be doing better today. he is home to recover and driving mom crazy...so he must be good.

so because of the miles and miles back and forth in the car (twice) i was able to stick to my diet pretty good this week...or maybe it was "the long walk" that held me accountable...either way i did pretty good so far. thanks for all your support and encouragement...it really helps.

hope all is good out in cyber-space.

one of lifes mysteries: how a 2 pound box of chocolates can make a person gain 5 pounds.

thanks for checking in

tammy

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

was it worth it?


i believe that was a question that i had in the last "confession" blog and i told you i would let you know AFTER my accountability partner found out...


it is now AFTER she found out and has DEALT with the issue...that s'more isn't looking quite as good tonight. in addition to the fact that she wants me to "talk" about my issues with carbs and is always looking for a solution to "my problems" SHE also felt that it would be a good idea to burn off the ALL the calories that i so illegally consumed. (why are you laughing...i am not laughing)


so...i get on-line and find out that 4 marshmallows, graham crackers, and an entire hershey bar comes to 420 calories...all to be erased in one session. are you sensing my REGRET yet? me...the one who just loves to exercise is now being "encouraged" to take responsibility for my actions and make it right by burning 420 calories.


so...i figure if it is going to help discourage me from feeding my carb addiction i might as well give it a try (not that i really had a choice...she is hired until the end of the year and taking her job VERY serious )


so...how does one find out how to burn that many calories...one goes on-line to the calorie burning calculator and plug in my weight and my speed and my desired calories to burn and presto...i find out that it will take me 52 minutes of non-stop walking at a pace of 3.0 mph-almost a 3-mile hike for one measly s'more.


OMG


now i am sure that many of you find going on an hour long treadmill walk to be a very non-life threatening experience but must i remind you that I have NOT been exercising AT ALL. i wish that i could express all my emotions and thoughts that were passing through my mind while walking tonight...but as you know it has been my goal to keep this blog a PG-13 rating.


i can tell you that (after kelsey helped me get up the stairs) i have decided that it was much easier putting the 420 calories in than it was burning them off. i am not in any hurry to repeat that experience. in fact i am not in any hurry to do anything...except maybe find the advil bottle.

i am getting a bit sore already...


...did i really have to do that tonight? not really, but now that i did i am actually glad for the kick in the pants. it will get me motivated to get walking again (in a day or so maybe) and didn't hurt anything that won't heal (eventually-like my pride).


will i ever be able to eat a s'more again? absolutely, but NOT while i am on this diet. it is my desire to actually KICK this habit/addiction or whatever you want to call it permanently so until i can control my actions i need to totally refrain from these spontaneous outbreaks. i am doing well and i wish to continue to do well and if that means having to suffer a bit now for a much happier and healthier me later...then so be it.
no more fires...for now.


thanks for checking in


tammy


Sunday, November 15, 2009

oops


it has been a pretty successful two weeks and i have been really really good with keeping my carbs to a bare minimum...until my little set back today.


perfection is not all it is cracked up to be...so here is my confession.


first a little background on my mood today...


...a little anxious because my dad goes in for surgery on monday morning

...a little broke because megs car went in for an inspection and won't come out without $800

...a little sad because my gas grill died

...a little depressed because i saw a guy open a car door for his wife and it brought tears to my eyes-i miss him a lot today


...and the straw that broke the camels back:


i was out doing yard work today and had a lot of twigs and sticks so i decided to build a small bon-fire in our fire-pit (i love my fire-pit) which was nice...until the entire bottom eroded and fell out and the fire came crashing onto the grass. knowing that this was the end of my fire-pit and the grass was only "a little" on-fire i did what any true blooded carb addict would do---i ran (ok, walked swiftly) into the house and grabbed 4 marshmallows, a chocolate bar and graham crackers and went back outside to make my final s'more of the season on my burning yard!!!


and boy was it good...and the yard will recover and the neighbors are all safe.


did i feel guilty? i must have or else i would not be telling you all this

was it worth it? i will let you know after my accountability partner finds out


i know that someone recently sent me a quote saying that "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" but that was one awesome s'more!!!


i know what a lot of you are thinking right now and in some ways you are right...but what if i have 4-5 of thoses days a week. is it still ok to binge like that everytime i have a little crisis or a bad day? if so that ZIP line had better get reinforcements. i don't think there is a day that goes by that i don't have a "stresser". i need to be able to control those emotions and not try to reason that some days are ok to fall off the wagon because everyone will understand.


i did a pretty good job of recovering today...went to the banquet and ate chicken and salad.


last november tim and i went to the banquet together...a night i will never forget (and neither will the kids). he was asked to give the invocation and as usual he did a fantastic job but then he just stood up there and stared out into the crowd. i could see the kids getting uncomfortable and they were right...he decided to take a few moments (which seemed like an hour at the time) to say how much he appreciated all the girls on the team and all the parents and he pretty much said his good-byes while he was up there...just about the whole place was tearing up and the kids were under the table. we hadn't even been officially told that that his time was just about up for another three weeks or so...it was weird. it was like he knew before the doctors told him...weird.


kelsey was named one of the captains for next year...again.


oh...before i forget-ashley made "honors" this marking period even with a concussion. i am so proud of her and how hard she is working this year to compensate for her memory issue...way to go ash!!!


thanks for checking in


tammy













Saturday, November 14, 2009

week #3


at the start of week #3 i have now brought the scales to a grand total of 14 pounds lighter.




week #1 ten pounds gone


week #2 four pounds gone




this was exciting because i am actually feeling pretty decent and NOT exercising at all YET...




can i notice that i lost the weight? maybe my big toe looks a bit thinner but NO not yet...i have a ways to go before i will notice any significant difference but it feels good to be on the right track (most of the time)




not much new to share...field hockey banquet tomorrow night...don't worry...kelsey (my conscience) will be there with me the whole time. i know i know...salad and chicken. no dessert and no rolls and no pasta. i got it. i don't always like it but i got it.




thanks for checking in




tammy






Wednesday, November 11, 2009

habits


i know that everyone has bad habits and most of the time they are aware of these habits and just ignore them...for example-if one bites ones nails one knows that it is a nasty habit but chooses to continue anyway.


recently i have come to find out that it is possible to have bad habits that one may not be aware of until one tries to change a particular area of their lives. it actually has been quite a revelation to discover that i actually had this many habits that have to be dealt with...actually quite sad.


habit #1


EVERY night the girls have plans and i am going to be home alone for dinner i would call "curb-side" at macaroni grill (its on speed dial in my cell) and order take out chicken scaloppine with a side salad AND tiramisu and occasionally i will add the tomato brushetta. just for fun i calculated the nutritional facts of this meal: 2212 calories and 143 carbs and this is without the bread in the dipping oil. how many of you think this would classify as a "bad" habit?


habit #2


i call this one "leave no evidence". i had this discussion with a co-worker and we both have developed the same "bad" habit. remember that this started when i was NOT on a diet and i had NO accountabilty issues. if i open up a box of cupcakes OR a bag of cookies (especially those fudge dipped mint oreos) i eat the whole box or bag in one afternoon. and i have NO IDEA why i would have had to do that...no one would have known if i ate them over a week or in one day. sometimes i would even start in the van on the way home from the grocery store...NOW that is an addict. good thing it is to carbs and not drugs or alcohol!!!


these are just 2 of the few habits that i have noticed...i classify them as habits because there are numerous times when all i can think about is calling macaroni grill...that take-out guy is surely wondering where i have been...i was a good tipper and i really liked him. he would give me a table cover and crayons with my dinner.


and the issue with eating the whole container...still an issue even if it is not sweets...bizarre i know. still working on this one.


i heard it once said that DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT.


how true. everything that one does comes with a price...and this is my time to suck it up and pay the price for my lack of healthy eating and exercise.


bet you all can't wait until i start on that treadmill again...i have been waiting for the withdrawl symptoms to go away. it will be soon and don't worry-you will all know when i start adding exercise to this diet misery.


thanks for checking in...have a celery stick.


tammy






Tuesday, November 10, 2009

week #2


week #2 has begun and so far so good. i am starting to be more relaxed and i certainly am feeling like part of the human race again.


last night ashley was begging for her and i to go out for supper-to her favorite restaurant the texas road house...she loves to go out when it is just me and her so off we went. (a little nervous)


the first challenge of the night was the bread...


...probably one of my favorite breads in the city came in a basket piping hot with a side of this wonderful sweet butter. we were once told by an employee there that one roll with butter is about equivalent to a krispy creme donut...that little fact helped me avoid the bread.


the second challenge of the night was the ordering...


...the drink had to be a water with lemon.

...the salad had to come without the croutons and the cheese with the dressing on the side.

...the meat had to come without being smothered in the cheese.

...the potato...oh how i love those smothered baked sweet potatoes lathered with butter and carmel sauce and toasted marshmallows...had to be replaced with green beans-this is just plain WRONG!!!


the third challenge of the night was to stay on my side of the table...


and i survived. actually enjoyed my dinner. and loved the company.


this is getting easier and i do believe the major reason is that i have accountability all over the place. there is nowhere that i go that someone doesn't know that i am on this diet and that i need help staying focused.


i worked with someone yesterday who had intended to bake pumpkin muffins to bring into work but decided that she would wait until a day that i was off...very sweet!! thank you jd.


i have numerous offers to go out for coffee and NO DESSERT.


i have had a few people comment that they DID go out and buy the duct tape and have started carrying it in their purse just incase.


i have my kids around always asking...can you have this or can you have that.


i have the prayers of a multitude of bloggers.


i thought that picture was absolutely hilarious and although it is doubtful that they make duct tape strong enough to hold me quite like that...the point was taken. i am now a little scared.


thanks for checking in


tammy


ps...just a side note because i have 3 brothers and 6 nephews. NO DUCT TAPE allowed at nana's during thanksgiving!!! that day i get a little slack.










Sunday, November 08, 2009

my first outing...

instead of sitting home all night pouting about it being my anniversary i decided to go out to a friends house for the evening...i have to admit (sorry tim) that the focus of my anniversary faded quickly when i got there and saw all the food.

it became the battle of "being good" and "being bad" all night long...as you all know by now i am a carb addict and the first thing i saw on the counter was spinach dip in a BREAD bowl and the hostess making homemade garlic BREAD right next to the homemade BROWNIES (and where do we spend the next 30 minutes chit-chatting? you guessed it...right in front of CARB LAND)

stay focused tam-you can do this-eat a carrot stick

whew...i made it through social time. ok, off to the dining room for dinner. in addition to the garlic BREAD they had homemade BISCUITS and BAKED ZITI and some SPIRAL PASTA and homemade meatballs and sausage and (for me) they made grilled chicken and i brought a salad.

so...why is it that i had 8 items in front of me and the only 4 i wanted were OFF LIMITS to the point of almost painfully off limits.

stay focused tam-you can do this-stop drooling on the biscuits-you like chicken

i made it through dinner and felt a bit proud of myself...but absolutely exhausted on the inside. i thought things are good because i can certainly live without the BROWNIES. life is good. and then the TSUNAMI hit the kitchen. someone had made homemade pumpkin MUFFINS and homemade TIRAMISU (which happens to be my all-time second favorite dessert in the world).

stay focused tam-do not jump up on that counter-leave the room before you embarrass yourself

so i politely asked for a cup of coffee and went into the other room away from the "grazing of desserts" and watched a football game. i couldn't even tell you who was playing in that game or even the color of the uniforms. i just knew that i was just about to the end of my rope and if i hadn't left the room i would have fallen off that wagon...BIG TIME!

i wonder now if the other guests (who all knew my situation) would have intervened as i jumped over the bar stools and grabbed the tiramisu and sprinted down the hallway to lock myself in the bathroom or if they would have let me have the comfort food that night because it was such a stressful day?!?!

someday i guess i will have to ask them...

i hope that this was "so painful" because it was my FIRST official outing since starting this diet and that it will get better over time. my fear is that i will avoid social events because of all the "stress" involved (which i am sure sounds pretty silly to all you non-carb addicts in the world but it is hard to describe how difficult it was being there last night).

they were all so proud of me and even commented to me before i left that they were actually a bit surprised how well i did. thank goodness they couldn't see the struggle within or they may have been a little scared.

i was very glad that they didn't change the menu because of me and that they all enjoyed the desserts...i would NEVER want to have anyone alter a menu. this battle is a ME battle and takes place on the inside. i need to win this battle fair and square if i am going to succeed in this "life-style" change. just remember to keep the duct tape nearby just in case you ever see me climbing up on a counter!!!

thanks for checking in

tammy
















Saturday, November 07, 2009

copper...


...i bet there is no one out there who can tell me which direction this one is going


...unless of course you happen to know that "copper" is the traditional 22nd wedding anniversary gift


...today we would have celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary together


...i would have gotten 22 red roses today in a beautiful vase with all the trimmings (and i would have complained all day about them-i am such a NO FLOWERS kinda person and he was such a YES FLOWERS kinda person-kids would get a kick out of it)


...we would have dinner reservations at my favorite italian restaurant-visaggios (reserved for AFTER the penn state game of course)


...i so would have BLOWN my diet today


...i am doing much better emotionally with the anniversary than i did with his birthday...perhaps because my major meltdown was just a couple of weeks ago but i still MISS HIM terribly.


on a side note my diet is still going very well. i just wanted to throw it out there how much i appreciate all of your love and support during this new phase of my life. ashley and kelsey have been great supporters here at home and all you bloggers out there are awesome. thanks for the stories and the inspirational quotes and the emails. they are a big help in keeping me focused.


it is like i have this big wagon with no sides on it and every time i start to fall out (or crawl out) i have someone on every side to catch me and sit me back up. so far no falls "off the wagon" and i have you all to thank. i have such an amazing support system.


thanks for checking in


tammy






Friday, November 06, 2009

one weak...


you know the old saying: "seven days without chocolate makes one weak"


we are now officially one week into this diet and YES i have lost all my water weight...perhaps some from crying but mostly from spending all my time in the ladies room. (i dis-like water very much)


10 pounds have dropped from my scale and although i know that it is not an accurate read of real weight loss it is nonetheless encouraging.


yesterday kelsey asked me WHY i decided to go on a diet...i didn't have to think very hard to answer her question. most people would say that the reasons they diet are to "feel better" or to "lower cholesterol" or to "lower high blood pressure". although all of those may be true, none of those are the REAL answer to her question.


ZIP LINE


that is the real answer to her question. a while back i had some friends approach me about going on a 3-hour ropes course involving climbing and zip-lines and rope bridges...i quickly declined saying thanks but that it was really not my thing (which is so NOT true).


these friends decided to NOT take no for an answer and kept insisting that i go with them until i could no longer take it...i finally had to tell them that although i would have loved to go with them i weighed OVER the weight limit for the zip lines...was that a WAKE UP CALL or what?!?! at first i was just a bit annoyed that i they kept after me and i was totally embarrassed that i had to admit why i couldn't go BUT then i became grateful that they kept after me (i can't believe i just said that) and determined that by next summer i would be at a healthy weight to be able to go with them.


so we made a deal that i would go zip line with them for my birthday (early june) next year.


kelsey has decided that she also was going to join us on the zip line adventure and video tape her mother high up on the ropes...oh goody!!


so there it is...accountability 101


now the whole world knows that i have a goal and a mission to accomplish. and to think that i didn't join weight watchers because i didn't want to discuss this stuff in front of other people...now that is funny!! i consider myself a kinda private person but my pal mary was probably right when she insisted that i blog my trek. hope it doesn't bore you too much.


lets move on to week #2


thanks for checking in


tammy














Wednesday, November 04, 2009

ash update...


today ashley and i had another appt with the concussion clinic.


we are finding out that this sort of injury is NOT an exact science...in fact it is very much a hit or miss kind of event.


the doc comes in and sits down and talks...he asks ashley tons of specific questions and then based on her answers he comes up with a medication cocktail and guidelines for school and studying.


it has been determined that she MAY have the type of injury where she does better learning from a "verbal" type setting instead of a "reading/studying" type setting. to adjust her learning a bit we are going to get pre-printed class notes so that she may just sit and listen to the teacher talk instead of scrambling around to write everything down that they say. he feels that if she can just listen and concentrated on what is being said she will retain it better than if she is having to writing it down. then we are to read assignments out loud into a recorder and then play them back as a study help. this is going to be different...but we are willing to give it a try.


so...we are going to give this a try for a month and see what happens.


i hate this SLOW progression but there really isn't much they can do for her. her head needs to heal on its own. all we can do is try and get her through each day as less frustrated as we can.


kelsey is loving her new job. she had the day off today and off to the eye doctor. her eyes are a tad bit more nearsighted (sad the things the kids have to inherit from their mother) and just for the record dr barbie...PEANUTBUTTER CUPS are NOT on my diet and you need to do something about that FOOD NETWORK that you play on your tv 24/7. it was torture going to the eye doctor and i was not even the one with the appt.


(just kidding...i need "fun" abuse like that from time to time to remind me that i am in training AND there was this awesome stuffed lobster and oysters casino recipe that someday i may actually give a try). its like i have my learners permit and need to be directed from time to time.


i once heard that inside most of us there lives a skinny person struggling to get out...but that they can be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. does anyone know if this is true?



thanks for checking in


tammy


ps...i was just wondering how many of you actually went out and bought the duct tape and those handcuffs????









Tuesday, November 03, 2009

5 days in...



this is tough...only because of my own bad choices but...this is tough.


when i was young (very young) i belonged to a church group called the C.A.'s which stood for Christ's Ambassadors


now that i am old (very old) i belong to a local group called the C.A.'s which stands for Carbohydrates Anonymous


i can't believe how badly i am feeling while adjusting to the lack of carbs and lack of sugar. i feel that i am an addict going through a detox program. hopefully i will cross over to the human race here shortly.


for those of you nearby...if i live through this PLEASE help make sure that i stay on track...i don't want to ever be where i am again. let me pick you up for a coffee but HOLD the dessert (that is code for bring the handcuffs, duct tape, or whatever is needed to assist you in this task)


thanks for checking in


tammy










Sunday, November 01, 2009

misery...


misery = diet


yes, i can't believe that i am going to tell you all this but i started a diet on friday.


it was requested by a friend that i post the news of my diet on the world wide web...


...possibly a trick to make me more accountable


...possibly a ploy to get me to vent my frustrations


...possibly just to give her a good laugh or two


but whatever the reason there it is...out there on the world wide web for all to see.


as anyone who knows me well...i am not a huge fan of diet and/or exercise. infact i would have to say that there is not much i can think of that i dislike more...the reasons of why i am dieting are "oh so obvious" and the reason why i am starting now before thanksgiving...why not!?!? if i push it off to after thanksgiving i will have to deal with christmas...if i push it off to christmas i will have to make yet another new years resolution....and i am NOT thinking that just into the new year will be a good time for me to start a diet.


i have a plan in motion and i have a friend/neighbor who is my "acting" accountability partner...pray for her!!! she has NO CLUE what she is getting herself into.


i have really given this a lot of thought and i am determined to give it a shot...i am diving in full throttle and i will update you all with my progress as it goes along... my heart is ready to commit but my brain is still in a state of rebellion...wish me luck!!!


on a side note...kelsey got the job at old navy!!! she is psyched. she has already put in 8 hours and works 14 more in the next two days. our kids have off school monday and tuesday this week so they are going to train her those two days.


well...gotta go (i mean literally...she has me drinking so much water that is all i do...go)


thanks for checking in


tammy